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McCain/Clinton Gas Tax Holiday Solves Energy Crisis

April 28th, 2008 · 1 Comment

Senator’s John McCain and Hillary Clinton share a tender moment after Congress passes the summer gas tax holiday bill they both support. After Congress passed a summer gas tax relief bill sponsored by presidential candidates John McCain and Hillary Clinton, gas prices dropped to under $1.00/gallon for the first time in years. Though the gas [...]

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Tags: Politics

Ten’s of Thousands of Wall Street Executives Unjustly Fired

April 19th, 2008 · No Comments

Newly homeless ex-employees of Bear Stearns and JP Morgan struggle to survive. Wall Street was stunned this week by yet another round of layouts – this time Citibank’s announcement that they would layoff 9,000 employees. The employees, most of them investment bankers making salaries in the range of $200,000, are protesting these layoffs as being [...]

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Tags: Money and Business

Bush to Go To Olympics – Cites Special Relationship

April 15th, 2008 · No Comments

President Bush waves to crowd while wearing traditional Chinese garb. President Bush today announced that he will definitely attend the opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Beijing, citing as his reason that it is a sporting event and acknowledging that the U.S. and China have a special relationship. When asked to elaborate on the special [...]

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Tags: Politics

Bitter Working Class People Love Hillary

April 13th, 2008 · 1 Comment

Clinton, gun in hand, marches with the working while praying A new AP poll has validated Barak Obama’s statement that many working class people were bitter and have turned to religion and guns in their time of need. The polls also suggest that the more bitter they are, the more likely they are to turn [...]

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Tags: Politics

Starbucks to Customers: Would You Like Fries With That?

April 7th, 2008 · 1 Comment

Starbucks fries leaves Ronald McDonald steamed Responding to competition from McDonalds, that was recently rated by Consumer Reports as having the best coffee (described as “decent and … had no flaws”, considerably better than that of Starbucks which was described as “strong, but burnt and bitter”), Starbucks has decided to offer fries in their 7100 [...]

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Tags: Money and Business

All U.S. Airlines Simultaneously File For Bankruptcy and Cease Operations

April 5th, 2008 · 4 Comments

Amtrak deploys every available train to meet increased demand after airlines cease operations. After struggling for decades to overcome the combination of rising jet fuel costs and uncertain economic environments, every U.S. airline decided this week to follow the example of Aloha Airlines, ATA and Skybus and immediately cease operations. “Ever since the stricter security [...]

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Tags: Money and Business

High-tech Gear Disables Pacemaker if Borrower Misses Payment

March 31st, 2008 · No Comments

Loan officer repossesses pacemaker from deadbeat patient When the heart starts to crash, you had better have the cash. That’s the reality for millions of subprime borrowers whose pacemaker operation is contingent upon having an unusual option: a little box mounted underneath the ribcage that forces them to make their payments on time. Periodic jolts [...]

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Tags: Money and Business · Science & Tech

Islam Overtakes Catholicism as World’s Largest Religion. Pope Converts

March 30th, 2008 · 2 Comments

The Pope’s conversion catches the world by surprise. “For the first time in history, we are no longer at the top: Muslims have overtaken us,” said Monsignor Vittorio Formenti of the Vatican. “Because this is an unacceptable state, and because we have been unable to convince Catholic families to get busy despite our bans on [...]

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Tags: Culture

New Terminal 5 Opens at London Heathrow: Flights Cancelled. Passengers Lost

March 27th, 2008 · No Comments

London Heathrow’s new terminal 5 opened today, officially making Heathrow the world’s most complicated airport. The new terminal successfully addressed many of the problems Heathrow was known for. Map of London’s Heathrow Airport Including New Terminal 5 “Our lost baggage problems have disappeared completely,” said Myron Sputnick, director of baggage handling for the new terminal. [...]

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Tags: Society

Iraq Wounded Sue Dead Over Discrimination

March 23rd, 2008 · No Comments

Complex prosthetics are just one of the challenges faced by non-dead Iraqi casualties. Over 29000 wounded U.S. soldiers joined together in a class action suit against the 4000 soldiers who died in the Iraqi conflict. “It’s not fair that they get all the attention in the news reports over this milestone,” argued one soldier who [...]

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Tags: Society