|Bear Stearns building is gracefully disassembled by giant bear after sale to JP Morgan.|
In a stunning admission of how screwed up the economy really is, the Federal Reserve arranged for sale of Bear Stearns, “home of the bear market”, to JP Morgan for a mere $2/share. “Without Bear Stearns, a true Bear market is no longer possible,” Said Jose Berdollarfalls, a senior financial analyst at the Fed. “Indeed, we are confident that this sale, along with the $30 billion we’re throwing in to paper over their sub-prime loan portfolio, will serve to delude the public – I mean increase the public’s confidence in our financial markets and economy.”
British billionaire Joseph Lewis, who lost $800 million on the deal, responded to interviews saying “Arghgh gargahsl arrrrrrrrgghghghghg!”, clearly indicating his own belief that eliminating Bear Sterns will finally chase the bears off wall street.
But the greatest vote of confidence came from Bear Stearns’ own employees, who collectively owned about 30% of the company, most of whom are soon to be unemployed and impoverished. Internal surveys this morning confirmed their belief that a strong bull market is inevitable after the sale, with 80% of the employees agreeing that “This is bull”, 15 % saying “This is totally bull”, and the other 5% saying “Arghgh gargahsl arrrrrrrrgghghghghg!”