Amtrak deploys every available train to meet increased demand after airlines cease operations.

After struggling for decades to overcome the combination of rising jet fuel costs and uncertain economic environments, every U.S. airline decided this week to follow the example of Aloha Airlines, ATA and Skybus and immediately cease operations.

“Ever since the stricter security measures instituted after 9/11, nobody really likes flying anyway,” said a spokesman for United Airlines. “So really, nobody is going to miss us.”

“This wills save us the hassle of inspecting our planes,” said Eyal Illcrashem of Southwest. “It was fun while it lasted, but between the increased cost of jet fuel and peanuts, we simply can’t afford continue operations.”

Passengers holding tickets were encouraged to contact their credit card companies for refunds. “What the F*@#$#,” was the response from representatives of the credit card companies, who found themselves having to refund millions of dollars that they were unlikely to be able to recover from the bankrupt airlines.

The collapse of domestic air travel operations forced passengers who needed to travel to search elsewhere for options. Amtrak struggled to deploy additional trains to meet the demand, but were having a difficult time, being forced to rely on previously retired cars and locomotives to provide even minimal service.