Bill Clinton and Charlie McCarthy share a certain resemblance. General Merrill McPeak, a top foreign policy advisor to the Obama campaign, today likened former president Bill Clinton to McCarthy, saying that “I grew up, I was going to college when McCarthy was accusing good Americans of being traitors,” referring to Clinton’s implication that Barak Obama [...]

[Read more →]

Three State Department employees were suspended today for looking at Barak Obama’s personal passport records. “We just wanted to check out his passport photo,” said one of the employees, a contractor who previously worked at the Illinois Department of Motor Vehicles. “Turns out it was even funnier than his DMV shots.” Barak Obama’s passport photo [...]

[Read more →]

Cheney meeting President Karzai moments before a horrific hunting accident. Vice President Dick Cheney met today with Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai and promptly shot him in the face. “I don’t know how it happened,” said a chastened Cheney. “One moment we were talking,” he said, “then the next minute I realized he looked a bit [...]

[Read more →]

The media was left collectively scratching their heads over Barak Obama’s speech on racial issues. “He used big words,” said CNN correspondent Wolf Blitzer. “But what I don’t understand, and still find hard to believe, is that it seems like Americans actually understood those big words.” [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWe7wTVbLUU[/youtube] “This could destroy the entire mass media industry,” [...]

[Read more →]

Interest rate reduction leads to inflationary pressure. The Federal Reserve today cut the federal funds rate 5% to an unprecedented -2%, sparking a huge stock market rally and instant housing boom. Realtor Darren Mcrate of Las Vegas, having sold 12 houses by noon, commented: “Yesterday we couldn’t move them at any price – today people [...]

[Read more →]

Bear Stearns building is gracefully disassembled by giant bear after sale to JP Morgan. In a stunning admission of how screwed up the economy really is, the Federal Reserve arranged for sale of Bear Stearns, “home of the bear market”, to JP Morgan for a mere $2/share. “Without Bear Stearns, a true Bear market is [...]

[Read more →]

Chinese tourists crowd popular Tibetian tourist sites. Many popular tourist destinations find themselves facing the challenges of success; few more than Lhasa Tibet, which has recently been overwhelmed by large numbers of Chinese tourists. A Lhasa resident, who preferred to remain anonymous, described it as follows: “It’s very annoying when Chinese tourists take up two [...]

[Read more →]

Uncle Sam denounces and rejects the Reverend Wright from his new home in the underworld. Barak Obama’s Minister, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright, was recently discovered to have damned America. Quoted as saying “The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America.’ No, [...]

[Read more →]

Attractive new $5 bill is sure to increase the value of the dollar Recent drops in the value of the dollar have caused increasing concern, as the dollar’s drop leads to increases in the price of oil and other imports. Actions by the Federal Reserve to support the economy (particularly reductions in interest rates) have [...]

[Read more →]

Three of the 41 planes grounded by Southwest. Southwest today grounded 41 planes when it discovered it had failed to inspect them for structural cracks. Southwest customer relations manager Kary Geller expressed surprise at the tumult this caused “we at Southwest believe in providing the best possible customer experience, and we have received numerous compliments [...]

[Read more →]