Attractive new $5 bill is sure to increase the value of the dollar

Recent drops in the value of the dollar have caused increasing concern, as the dollar’s drop leads to increases in the price of oil and other imports. Actions by the Federal Reserve to support the economy (particularly reductions in interest rates) have further increased pressure on the dollar, as investors flock to currencies with higher returns.

In an effort to reverse the dollar’s slide, Fed psychologists have made efforts to make the dollar more appealing by adding color. “People like pretty things and prefer to buy them over ugly things,” observed Gertrude Bernicely of the Fed. “The Euro and other currencies are very colorful and thus people want to hold on to them. By making the dollar more colorful, people will buy more of them and their value will increase.”

Plans to increase the amount of color on the uniforms of American soldiers and on U.S. weaponry are currently on hold pending completion of a search for a psychologist who would be willing to support the administration’s belief that this will indeed make the world appreciate and support U.S. foreign policy.