President Bush waves to crowd while wearing traditional Chinese garb.

President Bush today announced that he will definitely attend the opening ceremonies of the Olympics in Beijing, citing as his reason that it is a sporting event and acknowledging that the U.S. and China have a special relationship. When asked to elaborate on the special relationship, Bush added “well, they hold about $600 billion of our national debt. They told me that if I didn’t show up they would foreclose. As it is, I don’t know how we’re going to make the payments going forward. So if our bankers, I mean China, wants me to show up and wave at a sporting event, you don’t really think I’m going to refuse and risk pissing them off, do you?”

Political analysts universally agreed that it was the single wisest statement the president had ever made, and the most grammatically correct as well.