Newly homeless ex-employees of Bear Stearns and JP Morgan struggle to survive. Wall Street was stunned this week by yet another round of layouts – this time Citibank’s announcement that they would layoff 9,000 employees. The employees, most of them investment bankers making salaries in the range of $200,000, are protesting these layoffs as being [...]

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Starbucks fries leaves Ronald McDonald steamed Responding to competition from McDonalds, that was recently rated by Consumer Reports as having the best coffee (described as “decent and … had no flaws”, considerably better than that of Starbucks which was described as “strong, but burnt and bitter”), Starbucks has decided to offer fries in their 7100 [...]

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Amtrak deploys every available train to meet increased demand after airlines cease operations. After struggling for decades to overcome the combination of rising jet fuel costs and uncertain economic environments, every U.S. airline decided this week to follow the example of Aloha Airlines, ATA and Skybus and immediately cease operations. “Ever since the stricter security [...]

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Loan officer repossesses pacemaker from deadbeat patient When the heart starts to crash, you had better have the cash. That’s the reality for millions of subprime borrowers whose pacemaker operation is contingent upon having an unusual option: a little box mounted underneath the ribcage that forces them to make their payments on time. Periodic jolts [...]

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Interest rate reduction leads to inflationary pressure. The Federal Reserve today cut the federal funds rate 5% to an unprecedented -2%, sparking a huge stock market rally and instant housing boom. Realtor Darren Mcrate of Las Vegas, having sold 12 houses by noon, commented: “Yesterday we couldn’t move them at any price – today people [...]

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Bear Stearns building is gracefully disassembled by giant bear after sale to JP Morgan. In a stunning admission of how screwed up the economy really is, the Federal Reserve arranged for sale of Bear Stearns, “home of the bear market”, to JP Morgan for a mere $2/share. “Without Bear Stearns, a true Bear market is [...]

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Attractive new $5 bill is sure to increase the value of the dollar Recent drops in the value of the dollar have caused increasing concern, as the dollar’s drop leads to increases in the price of oil and other imports. Actions by the Federal Reserve to support the economy (particularly reductions in interest rates) have [...]

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Three of the 41 planes grounded by Southwest. Southwest today grounded 41 planes when it discovered it had failed to inspect them for structural cracks. Southwest customer relations manager Kary Geller expressed surprise at the tumult this caused “we at Southwest believe in providing the best possible customer experience, and we have received numerous compliments [...]

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